She Saved Me

Alone with my thoughts, sitting in the dark. He lies next to me for the last time, and I realize this is the end. No more fairy-tale, this is what loss feels like. I tiptoe to our master bath and sob into my face towel. That was the last time.

I'm too independent to be seen as a damsel in distress and yet here I was secretly hoping he would save me. But the truth is, she was the only one who could.

They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone and it's so true. You see while I was busy catorting, she was losing her grasp. While I was busy folding for the world around me, she was fading. A part of me knew she was holding on by a thread, but I wanted this life oh so bad. Mom. Wife. Lover. Partner. Bossbabe. Daughter. Sister. Aunt. Friend. Colleague. Confidant. Comfortable. Convenient. Ciera. Barely.

I went dark for a few months. Immersed myself in motherhood, overcompensating for the inevitable; Doubled down at work overachieving so noone could tell I was a wreck; created distance with friends because I couldn't talk about it. I thought I was okay. But I wasn't. I hadn't allowed myself the time to grieve. I needed to grieve. That lifestyle. That current version of reality. That shell of Ciera ...

A year passed.

I did grieve and she emerged.

She was bold and confident. She felt sexy and comfortable in her skin. She said no to what did not serve her. She said yes to Ciera. She was taking care of herself. She created a new space to take #ThirtyAndThriving to a different level. A level of self-awareness and growth that only this experience could teach. Grateful for the blessing in this lesson.

A Caterpillar. A Cocoon. Now, a beautiful butterfly.

Life mantra at my core.

⤵️Love (25).

↕️Sweat (26).

↕️Peace (27).

↕️Reflection (28).

↕️Action (29).

↕️Live {with intention}(30).

Gratitude (31). 

Manifestation in 32.