Lemonade or Nah
I was 17 years old walking the campus of James Madison University, headed to my dorm (Eagle), and I stopped at the top of what was then D-Hall steps and said to myself ' wow, this is real life, I am a college student.' I was so proud in that moment. First generation to go away to a four year institute, first of the five to leave the nest and join the military. I had a plan for my life and I was determined to succeed.
If you had asked me then, where I saw myself in five years, I would have said something along the lines of "I'll be 22, I'll have my Bachelor and Master Degrees, and work for DoD."
Needless to say, that didn't work out quite as I planned. I was deployed at age 20, finished my Bachelors Degree at 23 and completed my Masters Degree at 27. You would think I would have learned from that experience to be a lot more flexible in my plans or should I say ideas, because ultimately it's His plan..... I didn't.
At 25, I thought I'd be married by 27 and have my first kid at 28 and my second at 30. Clearly my "plans" always go awry.
I am 28 going on 29, I am not married, and I am pregnant. PLOT TWIST!
Needless to say, this did not fit my plan. You know I laughed and cried and did a weird mixture of the two when we found out I was pregnant (post 1). What you don't know is that through my sobs, I expressed several concerns to Beez. They ranged from us being financially ready, college funds, and diapers and a crib, to moving to a bigger home and accommodating sleep overs and pets, and of course marriage. I literally said "what am I supposed to do with a baby?' to which Beez responded "Love it, feed it, protect it, change it" me: *insert evil stare.
I was being serious and he was making jokes. He knew I had over-anlayzed as I often do and he wanted to lighten the mood. He knew I was ready for the baby even if I didn't think I was.
I am 28 going on 29, I'm in love with a man, who is also in love with me, and we are going to be parents to a baby boy. Our home is ready and we have been blessed with everything we need for his arrival.
I am an ISTJ through and through. I would plan my entire life it were possible. Now you may say, where's the fun in that? I say, I can plan for fun along the way. LOL My 'naturally organized' personality has come in handy while preparing for the arrival of our son. I have read and researched and created pros and cons lists.
You see, life is about choices and it all boils down to preference.
Do you prefer to breast feed or use formula, or both? Do you want to bank the cord blood? Do you want consistent fetal monitoring? Do you want anesthetics? Have you considered a C-Section? Will you work until your due date? Will you use daycare services?
Multiple options, too many opinions, so much research, varying practices, and it's downright overwhelming...
When life gives you lemons, you have a few choices. Make freshly squeezed lemonade , cut them up and add them to your instant Country Time Mix, or throw them back and ask for peaches.
For a while I added the lemons to my Country time and it worked out, but I wanted better. I made my own lemonade too, but there was still something missing. Finally, I said I wanted peaches. Brian has always said that one of the things he loves about me is that I march to my own beat.
I realized that my planning was based on "societal norms" and others peoples' standards. I needed to figure it out for me. So I did.
I left a comfy job for a new one while pregnant. I took some risks. I made some choices that were good for me. I am in a good place. My spirit is at peace, so I know everything else will be fine.
This is my journey to motherhood and I am doing what I think is best (with Brian's input of course). All of the reading and research coupled with assisting with my kids for almost 21 years I think I will be okay.
Brayden will be a nursed and I will have ALL THE DRUGS! I created my birth-plan, and yes that is in there. I've surfed Pinterest for the best lists of do's and don'ts of hospital bag packing. We are ready. (For any other FTMs reading, send me a private message I'm happy to share my list/plan). For those who know me, my make-up bag is on that list along with fuzzy socks.
I started this post last week but wasn't sure it was ready for publishing. A few days ago, Beez reminded me that I have accomplished a lot in my 28 years and will have another celebration in June with the arrival of our son. He said to me that in spite of all the craziness I've dealt with, I made conscious choices to keep striving and not give up. I sat there for a moment and thought about it, he was right. I have made some tough decisions. I have made some that have effected me greatly, others not so much. How I've chosen to live my life is a testimony to my belief and support systems.
Some choices are more difficult than others, but again it's personal preference. One way is not wrong and the other right. At the end of the day, you have to do what's good for you, your life, your baby.
You may want lemonade and that's okay.
I'll take a wine glass of Minute Maid Peach Orchard Punch thanks. :-)
